I am not a good person at heart.
It’s human to be selfish, they say, and I obliged once again. One of my best friends got placed out of campus in one of the best companies to work for, and with a package that’s more than twice the one I would get with my placement offer. And my mind started going its own random ways.
I started comparing myself with him! And it didn’t take me long to realize that while he had worked really really hard over the two years at L (and even before that), I had hardly worked, if at all I did. So that shouldn’t be the reason for the pain.
The fact was that we had been together for too long. A little over 6 years of warm friendship wasn’t sufficient for me to be only happy for me. I HAD TO think about myself, for some reason. And somewhere deep down, I couldn’t visualize the both of us ending up so different – be it the company we would work for, or the package. True, I would do better work than he would, but that alone doesn’t take you anywhere!
All my life, I have more than strong reason to believe that things happened a bit too easily for me, than those around me – be it Olympiads, IIT, IIML, or even my PPO (which is out of fraud work at L&T). And I knew that time would come when this rosy patch of life would end for me, and now things are pretty clear to me…
As I see things unfold, I would chase big money for at least the initial part of my career. I am working for a good company, with a warm culture and all, so my work-life would be good, but not enough money for an IIM graduate. So I would have to stretch myself as much as possible, to earn that extra amount of money, through various means – be it conducting CAT tutorials, or other things I haven’t managed to figure out yet. All of this suddenly coming up has definitely caught me off-guard, and I would be lying if I were to say I am confident that things would be OK; it’s not too bad and all.
Conclusion: I am selfish, and unfortunately my friends don’t seem to have figured out that yet.
As for my best friend, he just became a bada aadmi.
P.S:
One of my seniors had mentioned to me how I would regret taking up the PPO at times, and I had not anticipated it would hurt me soo much, or that it would come so soon!
Life is a great teacher. Hopefully I am learning my lessons.
Just another sports-lover's Weblog 
You just moved a notch higher on “My impression of you” meter……Lots of times, we feel something we know is wrong….but v r all human and want the best for ourselves…its just what v r. But to realise that, stay in your shoes and boldly voice the selfishness that we usually shamefully hide, that is being superhuman
Gr8 one…
As you know, I am not in a state to comment much but it was simply great to put out what you are thinking currently.
Congrats to you and the bada aadmi too. 🙂
Hats off!! I cant even begin to imagine how much guts it would have taken to accept this in so public a forum! RESPECTS!!
I guess nako aslela gyaan vatatey pan mala kadhichit exactly mahitiye tujhi kay ghalmel suru ahe… C cha result lagaycha aadhi majhya eka ekdum javalchya mitrala eka MBA college madhye admission milali hoti. Mala chakka heva vatala.. Ek mekanvar jeev ovalun taknare aamhi, mala tyacha heva vatava?? Pan jhala te. Mala aayushyat je aaj var milala te itka sahaj ki ‘fight maarna’ kashala mhantat mahit nahi. Mhanun mhatla ki mala kadachit kalel tula kay vatatay..
Pan khara sangu? Nantar tu je mhantos tyacha artha kalala.. I am human after all. Ani hey sudhha kalala ki tyachasathi mala majha emotions chi laaj vatana chukicha ahe. Mala heva hyachasathi vatato karan toh maja itka javalcha mitra ahe. Mala jashi bhiti tyala Mumbai madhye sodun Calcutta la yetana vatali tich bhiti dveshacha roop gheun aali jevha tyala MBA madhye admission milali. Satat ekmekancha saath dileli loka achanak sodun jatat tyachi. Heva hotach. Tyala kasa kay milu shakta? Majhyat kay kami ahe? Mee ka nahi? Sagla vicharla swatahala.. Pan nantar mala kalala.. Ki jar mee pudhe gele aste tarihi tich bhiti, tech vichar aale aste.. Farak itkach ki bhiti anandat dadli asti…
I know I am rambling… Pan sangaycha itkach ki tu accept kelas tyatach sagla aala. Swatahachya emotions sathi sorry hou nakos.. Karan aaplyala jya bhavna manat yetat tya fakt javalchya lokanbaddalach. Toh itka jeevlag nasta tar tula tras hi itka jhala nasta… And this is a catch 22…
Le….!! Mala nhavta mahiti loka tula comments madhye blog posts pathavtat 😛 This is damn funny..mhanje, I dont mean to demean you and all (Amhi lahaan..apan mahaan!) pan ha post takaychya aadhi tujhi kiti vaat lagleli he mala mahitiye 😀
Anyways.
Good post! 🙂 Kharach (lolzz). Ok me faar neech vagtey..pan hya varchyachi comment vachun mala rahvat nahiye..jaam keede karavese vattayt!!
Hail deshpande!!
oh and I agree with you.
You are definitely not a very good person at heart 😀
THANK GOD!!!
ok so you ARE selfish…
you know what this means? you pass the confirmatory test,
viraj, congratulations, you are a human being. 😛
jokes aside,
hats off for being so honest, it takes guts to do that you know.
the fact that you used your seldom-used blog to express yourself, i guess shows that you really wanted to say all this out to the world, which is again, very brave of you.